Too many ifs, ands or buts....

 

 

"For us control freaks, the uncertainty of life is maddening. Our control over life is one battle we cannot win..."

Life so they say. It can be short, it can be long, it can be fun, it can be sad. But this thing we hold on to and cherish is anything but certain. In fact, it can be downright uncertain. As much as we would like our lives to go on indefinitely, death can come a knocking at any time. For any reason. The grim reaper, whose arrival is seldom forecasted, almost always uninvited, and most of the time, unwanted.

Early this past November, we attended a care conference for my Father-in-law. He was in a transitional care facility and on a path to return to his assisted living residence in the near future. In fact, he was doing so well, the meeting often bordered on jocularity. We started talking about the "big blowout" birthday party we would be having on this 91st birthday in mid-December. He was all up for another big party like we had on his 90th. We left for a short vacation up on the North Shore. It was all good and we knew my wife's Father was on the mend and would be going home soon. He did still have a bit of pneumonia, but the medical people at the care center thought they were way on top of it. Turns out they were wrong.

Less than a week after the care conference, my Father-in-law died. Towards the end of our short vacation, we got the call he had taken a turn for the worse and was doing poorly. We left at first light to make it back from the North Shore as soon as we possibly could. It was not soon enough. Nobody, not the family, not the medical professionals, not my Father-in-law, knew the end was that close. But it was. Life just has too many ifs, ands, or buts.

A week ago last Wednesday we were visiting my Mother. She was very sharp and in good humor. We were already talking about when the weather gets a bit nicer, we would again be sitting out in the courtyard. We also talked about her upcoming birthday in May. Another big "blow out" party like we had on her 96th was on the docket. A week ago today, we went up to visit her again. She had a bit of a cough, but no temperature, and the staff was keeping an eye on it. We showed her a picture (blown up) of her new great grandson. I decided if she had a cold, I might delay my normal Wednesday visit to Thursday. To everyone's surprise, Mother died in her sleep on Wednesday. 

Regardless of their ripe old age, both my Mother and my Father-in-law were not on "death's door". If we had known they were close, we would have been by their side, 24x7. But we did not know. It was yet another reminder of the fragility of life. The temporary condition of life. And yet we put so much stock in this life.

This was a lessons learned for all of us. To hang on to life with all we have. It is fleeting, and can leave us in an instant. It was reminder to never withhold love. To never withhold blessings. To never withhold grace. When the end comes, the biggest blessing is for us to say "no regrets". To go out clean. With both of our parents that we recently lost, we said what we need to say and loved as we needed to love. We did that while they were still here. Again, no regrets.

Billy Graham, along with many other people of faith often say, "Heaven in my real home." It is a home waiting for us where there are no ifs, ands or buts. It is a place of certainty and permanence. It is a place of eternal peace and presence. All who believe, all who follow, have a place in that wonderful Kingdom. To be reunited once again with all the saints who have gone before us. The last thing my wonderful Cousin Betty told me when she was dying of cancer was simply this - "This is not goodbye - for I will see you again". Amen to that cousin, amen to that.