A Bitter Couple

 

 

"A house divided against itself cannot stand"

Abe Lincoln

1858

I remember reading a story a few years ago about a married couple who had drifted apart. Okay, that is not really true. They hated each other. Their relationship had gone from like to love, to indifference, to animosity. They were two people, living separate lives under the same roof. They thought that staying together would have been good for the kids - it was not. The sparks that would fly between them was uncomfortable for anyone to watch, especially the kids.

For people living outside our country, we must be a spectacle to behold. If we do like each other, we do an excellent job of hiding it. The land of debate, discussion and eventual consensus has turned into a real life "War of the Roses". It has gotten very bad - so bad, it is embarrassing. Every Sunday many of us go to church and learn the teachings of grace, mercy and peace. On Monday, it is back to business as usual. We castigate, decimate and discriminate against anyone who might disagree with us.

Every year someone from "leadership" steps forward and declares they have never seen things this bad. They say our national discourse is terrible. Every year when we don't think it could get worse, it does. It has been a long time since one thing, one single thing could be discussed with agreement or consensus. To quote something I recently heard, our country is in need of "Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Oz and maybe even Dr. Seuss".

I have friends who are not as conservative as I am. I am fine with that. I have said many times that I love the politically diverse fabric of our country. I love getting in a GOOD, non-emotional discussion with people of good heart that have opposing viewpoints. I don't yell, swear, or hang up. If someone has a good point, I will tell them - I expect the same in return. As the saying goes, we can disagree without being disagreeable.

That being said, recently our pastor has said that "forgiveness and justice are not opposites". In other words, if someone robbed our bank, we could forgive that person, but there would still be jail time. If a bank president embezzled, we could forgive that person, but that person could never work in a bank again. If some government employees really screwed up the launch of the ACA portal, we can forgive them at the same time telling them to look for another job. We all should be able to agree on this.

I started this posting yesterday. By coincidence there was an article in this morning's paper about how this country started to split ideologically - how we entered the Viet Nam war fifty years ago. It cemented positions - hardened hearts - made many of us tone deaf. We stopped loving, liking and tolerating each other. Now every thing, every issue has turned into "Ying and Yang".

A famous Beatles song has the lyrics:

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello

Rather than emulate the contrary nature of this song, I would prefer to live in a country that has the motto, "It is he (or she) and me, not he (or she) or me." In other words, we need to relearn how to talk to each other, and not around, through or over each other. We are in this together - there are no good guys or bad guys. We are us - we are Americans. Just because we have lost our way relationally does not mean we are not all stakeholders. We can continue to live together in hate as a bitter couple, or we can forgive each other (with justice if necessary). We can love each other as we have been taught how to love. Most of all, we can be respectful to each other over our differences.

 

If we can't do this, if it is too hard, if we no longer have the will, we should shutter up our places of worship and just sleep in on the weekends. We can then start laying the plans for the secession of certain states, as well as the exodus of parts of our population. In other words, we can prepare for divorce. As I have seen in my lifetime, no matter now well planned or intended, divorce seldom turns out well for everyone.