Thursday, March 10, 2016

Changing Minneapolis

"The city has become ceded territory for the Democrats. Nary a Republican holds any elected office."

Oh, for pity's sake! Can we just get it over with? Having it happen this slow is death by a thousand cuts! Everyone knows it is coming and it is inevitable. And the Dem Bots, led by the queen bee herself (Madam Mayor) is all in for it. It is the changing of the once great Mill City into a mecca for metrosexuals. For the hip and the hipsters. For the collective.

The city has become ceded territory for the Democrats. Nary a Republican holds any elected office. Now if you are comfortable with living in the collective, it is a great place to live. If you love having the Met Council run your life and tell you where to live, how to live, what to eat, and when to go to the bathroom, it is utopia. So as an interested observer from another universe (the red area just north of town), let me give you some suggestions to accelerate the change.

Change One. It was reported in the paper today that no other large city in the country has a higher ratio of bikes and bike lanes. For the very few folks who still drive cars downtown, the bikes are zipping in and out of traffic just like mosquitos on a warm June evening. A couple months ago, my wife and I almost ran into two bikers as they were running a red light. So what to do? Make all cars illegal in Minneapolis. Make Minneapolis like Mackinac Island. When you get to the city limits, park your car, and grab a bike.

Change Two. Go vertical folks! Single ownership homes are so yesterday. Plus (and this is a big one), they might be unsustainable in this rapidly changing world! Minneapolis will allow only mixed housing, multiple housing from now on. All single dwelling housing will be torn down and replaced with more green space! Collective gardens will abound! Minneapolis will be like one big Cabrini Green (of Chicago fame).

Change Three. Trains galore! Since sometimes it is impractical to ride one's bike, we will have an LRT running from just about every street corner. And since checking to see if everyone is paying has been a real hassle, all rides will be free. The taxpayers of Minnesota can all "just chip in a little bit more" to pay for it. Also, just in case anyone needs to leave the collective for a while, there will be high speed rail lines going to Rochester, Duluth, Chicago and of course, the casinos.

Well anyhow, I have more ideas on how to help, but I don't want this story to get too long. It is better that for the sake of our mental health, that Constitutional Conservatives just stay out of town. I know these days when I go to Minneapolis (to quote Robert Heinlein), I feel "like a stranger in a strange land."

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